What being alive means...

I think that as a young man about to enter the working world, it is a natural time to start asking seriously what I want from life? Over the last few weeks, many things have been pushing me to review just what it means to have lived. Movies I've watched, conversations with various people (like Amabel today), the change of atmosphere and pace of dentistry, the peaceful environment of pre semester college and even the computer games I play have reminded me of many concepts I have forgotten and many new things I should consider.

The next few blog posts I guess should be about the things that I have thought over in the quiet beginnings of the year.

This post is a general feel of things whenever I approach this subject.

When we discuss life at this age, we inevitably and often inadvertently also speak about death. Age becomes a concern as youth finally leaves us completely. You start to count the years and how long you may be spending doing something. After all from 20 to 60 you only have 4 decades to achieve most of what you would like to accomplish. How long do you want to stay in a career? How long do you want to be in one place? What do you want to do now before age and death steal them away from you? Can you do so?

I have always been rather skeptical to the commercial goals of life - happiness, love, wealth - all promised to you in a McDonald's advertisement. I have always thought life is a lot more brutal than that. Most people are aware enough to tell you that there is a lot of sorrow and suffering in the world. Fewer people are aware of the constant struggle is what makes people feel alive. That doing things almost defines being alive. Previously, I believed that life was about striving and learning and maybe achieving something along the way.

It has been awhile since I have rescinded that concept somewhat. While ecstasy in a bottle from the television screen is certainly an extreme, focusing solely upon striving is also another extreme. Happiness, love and wealth are subjective issues, that some people do believe in and thus can achieve. I have come to realise (finally) that people are indeed different and being alive means something unique to each person. That does not mean that everyone can do as they please because it's their life; many people do not recognise their way of being alive or worse do not know how to be alive.

I think I have come to this understanding mostly from doing dentistry. I have always known dentistry is not my aspiration. But to actually go through it and experience the meaning of doing something you are not happy with for a long time impresses upon you deeply the meaning of monotony and drudgery. Then you wake up one day (after fighting with yourself all manner of phases, depression, reduced confidence, etc) and it dawns that you can't do this forever. As proud as you may be, some battles are lost. But always all that you really find yourself doing is surviving, one day after the other. It is a sad kind of existence and certainly not what you call being alive.

Anyway - movie reviews, philosophy and some interesting ideas coming up next! Stay tuned.